OK, so I am still in shock, but it's a few hours later and I can't stop staring at that second little line. It hasn't disappeared! I wasn't dreaming. So many thoughts are going through my head, but most of them start and end with "thank you God, thank you God!". Now I have to decide what the next steps are. Strangely, they are not as cut and dry as you might think.
I will take another pregnancy test in a few days (in the morning) to make sure I'm still pregnant. I will start taking prenatal vitamins again tonight. Of course, I am going to take great care of myself. No caffeine, no alcohol, lots of water, lots of rest, and lots (but not too much) healthy food. Those things go without saying.
But what about starting prenatal care? I know that if I make an appointment with a new OB, he/she is going to order a beta and then another one and another one. I am going to be on pins and needles and worrying the whole time about whether or not it's going to be in the "OK" range. What if it's not? Then I agonize over whether the pregnancy is going to last, knowing that there is absolutely nothing that any doctor or I can do one way or another. My thought is, why put me through all that? What purpose does it serve? If there was something they could do for a bad beta, then by all means, let's check. But if not, then I just sit around feeling scared and sad and nervous about when a miscarriage will occur. All that worrying cannot be good for me or for the baby. Therefore, I have decided that I am going to forgo the doctor until a heartbeat can be detected and it is time for my CVS test. In the meantime, I am going to keep praying for a healthy baby. This is not something we humans really have control over, as much as we'd like to think that we do. This is in God's hands. I will let the medical community in when I think there is something that they can do to help. Until then, this is between me, God and my baby.
