BFN

So it's Christmas Eve. I'm feeling a discouraged and disappointed because my pregnancy test was negative this morning. Today is CD25 and no sign of my period. This is the first time I've been trying to get pregnant where it has taken more than two months. That shouldn't surprise me, given my age, but it still does because of the ease I have had in the past. Also, this cycle seemed to be better than the previous two.

My goal now is to remember how blessed I already am to have three beautiful, smart, funny, wonderful daughters, and a fabulous husband. It is sad and discouraging all the trouble I've had in the past year and a half, but I've really come to realize, based on what I have learned on the infertility boards, that I am really, really lucky. The heartbreak that other women have had to go through, combined with the financial burden and emotional drain of infertility, has made me so much more aware of the good fortune I had in my 20's and 30's. I really can't complain.

My wish this Christmas is for the women who have been struggling so long and hard to have a child will be able to make their wish come true!

2WW

This month's cycle was a little more encouraging. I went back to my regular 25-day cycle and ovulated on day 10. Although that's not quite the half-way point I'd like to see, it is a damn sight better than CD7! If all goes well, my pregnancy test will be + by Christmas!

I keep "talking" to Sam in my head. I say things like "Your family already loves you so much!", or "You are going to have SO much fun with your older sisters!" or "See how I had a glass of water instead of a Coke? I am going to take such good care of you. Snuggle in and I'll see you in about nine months".

I am praying. It will take a miracle to make this happen.

Good night, Sam.